Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
