My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
