How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
