giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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