What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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