i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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