It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
