Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
