Welp...herpes.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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