I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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