How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
