At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
