He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
