i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
