Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
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we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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