I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
