i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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