just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
