3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
