I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
FUCK WHALES
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
