oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
