WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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