She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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