The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I will be naked everywhere
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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