If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
