best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
