so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Welp...herpes.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
