Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
