just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
