Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
