Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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