I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
