Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
