Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
