So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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