i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
