just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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