i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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