you guys were way drunker than both of me
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
