I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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