I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
