just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
