my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
tell me about the fingering
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