im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
