Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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