I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
