I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
