4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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