He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
