There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
