you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
