I don't usually arrange sex via text message
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
