Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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