i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
