My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
