He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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