I'm jealous of your bromance
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
