So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize