I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
