please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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