he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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