this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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