Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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