Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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