i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
