So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
