the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
