hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
