i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
