i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
