I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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