When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She swung at the pinata with crutches
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
