She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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