Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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