mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
