Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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