i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
