You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
