dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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