I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize