3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize