Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
