I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
