he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
