She's JV to your varsity
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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