I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
