Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
look no pants
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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