do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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